Discubrir: To Discover

Notice:

Hello to all who have at one point read my blog and have been disappointed seeing as I have not published in a VERY long time. I apologize. It is harder than you would think carving out time to explain to everyone the incredibly unique life that happens here at El Rancho. 

Question:

Lately I have been doing a lot of personal reflection and thinking. Recently we went on a retreat where reflecting was a central theme which started me doing some serious "self-discovery" or perhaps better said "personal examination." I discovered an interesting question: 'why am I so happy here.' It's a great question, and I am very grateful that I can ask it. Yet, it is still interesting to me because I am so frustrated at various times for days or even weeks at a time... (and I am talking about frustration like I have never felt before)... how is it that I am almost entirely certain I have never been happy? 

Answers:

I reduced my answer to this question in 3 answers. 

1. I am always learning. Teaching classes completely in my second language, learning about culture, how to navigate a city like Tegucigalpa, how to overcome numerous obstacles, reading all the time, and new skills like making excellent flower tortillas by hand (easier than you think). 
2. I have meaningful relationships. Relationships that nurture and challenge me (not necessarily the same person). Relationships with the kids (that have to be won on a day to day, week to week, and month to month basis. Relationships that I thought might not work.... but do, somehow. 
3. Meaningful work. Even on the toughest days, even when I am sure that I am the most useless human being on the planet because I will never see the results of what I do, even when I doubt what I do will make any difference to these kids..... somewhere deep, (DEEP) down, I have to know that what I am doing is meaningful, if I didn't I wouldn't be here, and I wouldn't be this happy. 

Idea:

This experience has led to realize, to discover, to believe a truth about myself and my future. I can forge my own destiny. I can be whatever I want to be. As frustrated as I am here, I am still happy; in the future, if my life does not have this balance, I will know one of these three answers is missing... which means something will have to change. I can only hope if a day ever comes where I am in a situation like that, I will have the courage to make a change.